Causes of Anxiety within intimate relationships

It is usual for all people in relationships to have their ups and downs.  After all, no two people are alike, and we share a vast amount of personal information that we wouldn’t necessarily feel comfortable sharing with others. 

However, any relationship requires a certain amount of giving and acceptance, and this should naturally be a reciprocal process.


Relationship baggage

The two people in a relationship have come from different experiences and places.  If you were bullied as a child by your peers or the adults in your life, it could be hard to forget those earlier troubles. 

For example, if you were repeatedly bullied, told that you were no good, or that you were ugly, these words can leave emotional scars that stay with you for a long time afterwards.  In particular, if these words came from your peer and age groups when you were in school.

If you let the pain of the past grow, you will find it challenging to treasure the present. We all come into our relationships with items from our past, which affect our relationship. If there is someone or something that makes your current partner uncomfortable, choose to leave it behind.

Some of these things make us better partners, and some do not. So until you deal with your issues, anxiety will build up and will negatively affect your experiences in your relationships.

Do not put it into the hands of anyone who might damage it.

Therefore, If you need help, seek it from a qualified and licensed professional.  These issues can be discussed in a safe, therapeutic and non-judgemental way

Difficulty with trusting others 

You may have been hurt by infidelity in the past, or perhaps you experienced the divorce of your parents.  This builds a lack of trust in your current relationships and increases your anxiety levels. 

For example, if your parents’ divorce was the result of a cheating scandal, these models who you become.  You are full of self-judgment; and fear that your partner will do the same thing to you, which never allows you to experience love fully as you are always waiting for something terrible to happen.  

You are feeling so emotionally scarred, vulnerable, and hurt that you’re scared to open up to anyone.

- You can’t blame your parents or your previous partners either for the demise of your current relationship and for everything terrible thing that’s currently happening.

- Remember that you are the one in control.

- There is nothing wrong with wanting to avoid facing the emotional pain of your past.

- Avoidance may feel like the right thing to do, but encountering your ghosts is the best way to move forward.

  Unrealistic Expectations

Television shows and movies are great at creating their own versions of the reality of what relationships should be like.  

Reality TV has only made things worse and leads to future relationship problems. Yet intimate relationships don’t always go the way we want, which can leave us with complicated feelings like sadness, grief, anger, guilt, and resentment.

If you compare yourself to the people and characters you see on screen, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and unhappiness.  Instead, it’s more important to live your own life, focus on your relationship, and abandon thinking about the relationships of others.    

Relationships are about both individuals working to meet the needs of the other, trading and exchanging equally, for mutual balance and satisfaction.

Further reading, Social Exchange Theory is a perspective within social psychology that describes human relationships (Kelly & Thibaut, 1978; Thibaut & Kelly, 1959).


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